So I'm not just calling this letter that because a lady told us that at the door this past week, although that did happen... She was quite a character... one of those "I don't go to church, church is in my heart, but thanks anyway" types of people. It had been a rough day, seriously frustrating, down in the record books as one of the most frustrating days in all my 230 something days of mission experience. I was admittedly a little dejected by the lack of success, the frustration of this area, and people just flat out not taking us seriously... Needless to say I probably could have been kinder to this woman, as we walked away after she shut the door I felt a little bad... it was then when sister Allen said "Ugh we didn't even give her our card!!!" So we decided we'd go stick it in the door... when we got to the porch I decided to knock again, you know following Elder Holland's admonition to be "more persistent than an Avon lady." She came back down the stairs and was like, "Really? You're back?" We explained that we at least wanted to give her our card and she said she'd only take it because she knew it would make us feel better. I asked if I could share a scripture she said "It's a good thing y'all are cute..." um ok? She then went on to explain how she believed in reincarnation that her God loved her and He was ok with her. She said that I had kitten eyes and was probably a reincarnated Sphinx... hmm sounds exotic... We told her that we knew God loved her that we were each part of His family and He is perfect and wants us to become better and return to Him. She looked at me and said "Well if He's perfect why do we have imperfections?" Without even thinking I said "So we can learn." She gave me a high five for that response and said "Dang girl they taught you well..." which gave us the opportunity to explain that we do go to church and are taught but then we have experiences on our own through prayer and find out for ourselves if what we have been taught and learn is true, and that we both have found that it is and that is why we are out here. She softened considerably as we talked more, it ended up being a good conversation she wished us the best of luck warned us about the blankety blank people around and then said in the sugary sweetest voice "Alright girls scat, get lost, and good luck..."
Now that was honestly a highlight of that day... we had a ward member chew us out over something dumb, an old man said "we aren't welcome to visit here," a bunch of "I'm Baptist" door slams a handful of "I'm Catholic" door slams, and a whole string of doors just staying closed. At one point both sat in the car venting our frustrations. It was getting close to the end of the night and our expectations as Sister Allen put it were: "at rock bottom." Preach My Gospel says "If you lower your expectations your effectiveness will decrease, your desire will weaken and you will have greater difficulty following the Spirit." That was us. We couldn't understand how we could've gone from going to a Zone Conference a few days before and getting pumped up over the fact that President Pickett had testified that he knew we were foreordained to come to this mission. That we should be so grateful that we had made it and that we had made it with our companions, that we had promised each other we would get there and do a great work. Sister Allen and I really took that to heart imagining the discussion we had in the preexistence and the excitement we may've felt knowing that we would have the privilege and opportunity of living in the same area and attending the same schools, that because of our choices we played on the same golf team, chose the same classes, and decided to come on a mission where we were given the opportunity to be companions and serve in the Poplar Creek Area. That nothing happened because of coincidence, there is no such thing. We were so energized by that thought, and then we had a down in the dumps day. Wondering: Why? Why are we here? Who are we here to find? What are we doing wrong? Are we wasting our time and the Lord's time? Is our desire not there? What is the matter? Why do people overlook us? Why do they hate what we are and what we teach and represent? Why?
So we said some prayers and kept walking, and said some more prayers and kept driving, said some more prayers and had a pep talk and said some more prayers. Overtime they got more and more sincere and more real and more conversational and it got to the point where we were begging to know, begging to have strength and desire and success. To know what the Lord's will is for us. And did we find the golden investigator? Do we have a baptism this week? Did we find the miracle person you read about in Ensigns? Nope. But I'll tell you what did happen... We endured, endured it well, we finished the night strong, we went in ready to do our training and have dinner. Our zone leaders came over and gave us some tips on what we could try and reminded us of their training on finding out Heavenly Father's will for us in this area. We assured them we were praying, and then we went to bed... and then Sunday rolled around. And oh my my Heavenly Father sure let us know He was aware of us, every meeting we went to was so inspired. Ward Council had an emphasis on how the ward could be more welcoming and better about fellowshipping and being missionaries. Sacrament meeting was all about faith, gratitude, and compassion, Sunday school's topic was about preaching the gospel, and Relief Society ohh Relief Society... my goodness it was about that darn famous phrase "Forget Yourself and Go to Work" it was titled "Losing Yourself in the Service of Others." The famous story of Gordon B. Hinckley as a frustrated missionary never rang more true, it never struck me more deeply, as I pointed the words out to Sister Allen,
“That July day in 1933 was my day of decision. A new light came into my life and a new joy into my heart.”
Neither one of us could deny the awareness Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost had in our life. We too are in the month of July and are frustrated, and we need that same counsel President Hinkley was given as a frustrated missionary. We need to have a day of decision and have a new light in our life and a new joy in our hearts.
And we will do that by doing as that woman told us and "getting lost..." lost in the work. President Hinkely explains just how to do that when he says:
Do you want to be happy? Forget yourself and get lost in this great cause. Lend your efforts to helping people. Cultivate a spirit of forgiveness in your heart against any who might have offended you. Look to the Lord and live and work to lift and serve His sons and daughters. You will come to know a happiness that you have never known before if you will do that. I do not care how old you are, how young you are, whatever. You can lift people and help them. Heaven knows there are so very, very, very many people in this world who need help. Oh, so very, very many. Let’s get the cankering, selfish attitude out of our lives, my brothers and sisters, and stand a little taller and reach a little higher in the service of others. … Stand taller, stand higher, lift those with feeble knees, hold up the arms of those that hang down. Live the gospel of Jesus Christ. Forget yourself.
What that woman told us is exactly what I need to do, it's what we need to do it's exactly what Heavenly Father wants us to do, He wants us to get lost in this great work. That might just be part of His will for Sister Allen and I, to forget ourselves and get lost, go trust Him, have hope for those around us, but to get out and serve and love, have the faith to find those that are prepared, the faith to drop people that aren't committed, have the desire to teach, the ability to speak with power and love. And to just go out and work. I'm starting to realize as I reread President Hinkely's quote that it isn't just our purpose and His will for missionaries, this is His will for every single one of His children. We are here to help each other back home, to our Heavenly home. At Zone Conference one of our Zone Leaders answered a question that I feel every missionary has at some point, the question or I guess the frustrated statement of: "Why can't Christ teach this message? If He was here to prove my point and my testimony everyone would believe this is Christ's church, if He were here to teach it would go perfectly..." I've definitely thought that a time or two. But this Elder said something that changed my life and I need to let it continue to... He explained that if Christ were here to do what we were doing He would foil the Plan of Salvation. Because everyone would believe, (there would probably still be disbelievers because there always are) but overall vast majority would believe because of proof, and perfection. And that hinders their ability to choose and find out for themselves and to act in faith. Jesus Christ did something for us that we cannot do and now we are doing something for Him that He cannot do, He cannot have the faith for us or make the choices for us. He needs us to share this message. He needs us to act in faith in Him, He needs us to give and serve and needs us to grow and learn and develop. He needs our help and after all He has done... our zone leader said "I want to help my Savior and Redeemer."
...Wow... I want to help too, I want to do what He would do and help as He would because He has done everything for me... literally. I want to serve, I want to get lost in this work, I want to be motivated every day, I want to be up and doing, I want to have success and feel like I am doing my part, I want to be happy knowing I have a Heavenly Father and a Savior who are aware of me and want me to have the companionship of the Holy Ghost beside me. So I'm going to keep working on it day by day, I know that it doesn't come all at once that it happens over time, that bad days don't disappear but further strength comes to get through them and greater ability to see the good comes. I know that by overcoming hard days you demonstrate faith, which leads to repentance and renews covenants and promises the gift of the Spirit and continues the process of enduring to the end. This gospel is perfect and so is Christ, He said it best:
‘Whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it.’ (Mark 8:35.)
I invite each one of y'all to examine your life and find an area to improve, listen to the promptings of the Spirit. Go visit that lady that popped into your mind while reading this, text a friend you haven't talked to in a while, read a chapter in the Bible and another in the Book of Mormon, take your kids to the temple, write a thank you note and leave it for a family member, help someone at the grocery store, wave at 5 cars that go by, take your sibling out for ice cream, shut your phone off for three hours... GET LOST!!!!
I promise you'll find blessings and happiness you didn't know were there. Even on those tough days... it's been said that "service saves lives..." I'd say in more ways than one... it can save yours it can save someone else's and it helps the Savior. So go out and get to work. Go out and serve.
Have yourself a blessed week and bless someone else's week!
Let me know how it goes! I've got faith in you!
Love,
Hermana Hall
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