What Could I Have Done More For My VIneyard?

The 22nd marks the day one year ago I said "See you later" to my family and hustled through security before looking back to see my dad wave and Bridge jump up and down to say bye. (Sorry Mom I couldn't see you because of your height but it was probably for the best because the tears were already flowing and I didn't want them to increase into sobs). I remember wiping my eyes and looking over to see this sweet family staring at me and offering sweet smiles and looks of understanding knowing completely well what I was doing: leaving on a mission. They gave me the courage to put on my brave face and go to my terminal and gate (that autocorrected to fate, how fitting;) but I walked to the gate met up with some other missionaries and my life hasn't been the same since. 

It's hard to believe that's been about a year ago. I'll admit it there have been days I've doubted that time would actually pass... that I would actually make it out of Mexico alive... that I would survive the adventures and misfortunes of Tennesse... that one day I really will make it to 6 months and then a year, and then a mission. But guess what? 6 months went by, and now a year has gone by, and soon my mission will have gone by as well. I've heard it said, one of those famous mission quotes, "For sisters: the first 6 months drag, the second 6 fly, and the last 6 you don't even remember" I can attest to the first the first 6 felt so much slower than the second 6, and I can see how the last 6 just might pass in a blur. I'm currently companions with Sister See and she goes home at the end of December, it's interesting to watch her prepare and hear about how fast it really has gone. But just like anything in life it's what you make it right?

I received a letter just this morning congratulating me on my year mark. In it it was mentioned that now as my time dwindles that there probably is much that I still want to do. It caused me to reflect on a few things. First, they are right! I am glad that I have another 6 months to learn and grow and meet more people and develop more relationships as well as deepen my understanding of and love for the gospel and help others to do the same. In that respect I still have much to do. However I have come to realize that those very things I am hoping to do aren't limited to months... they are lifelong quests; neverending aspects of discipleship. For the rest of my life I will continue to learn and grow and meet more people and develop more relationships. If I continue doing what is right and focus on having what Elder Oaks taught at the Face2Face last night, "holy habits, and righteous routines" then I will continue to deepen my understanding of and love for the gospel and I will help others to do the same. So those things that still I want to do go far beyond my last 6 months of my mission.

This pondering also lead me to recall and remember the advice my dad gave me as I left, and continues to give me periodically... he said, "Serve with no regrets!" That's really my ultimate goal, is to go home with no regrets. And not when I go home, home, to Utah. No I want to have no regrets every day when I go home.

I'll try to explain this through a recent experience. I don't know if anyone has been wondering about our "long-hair" turned "short-hair" investigator, but I haven't really mentioned him lately because we haven't been able to find him. We had a lesson with him at a member's home, to which some struggles and addictions he is struggling with came into light. After that we had one conversation with him over text where he said he might be there at church that weekend, and then he dropped off the grid. To say we were devastated doesn't do it justice... I'm not saying we sobbed, but the pain of this situation is pure heartache. I feel like I have really come to feel understand what heartache is while on a mission. It started out as a longing for home, family, and friends... but it has turned into a reaction to loss. Loss of faith, loss of desire, loss of interest, loss of sincerity, loss of intent, loss of hope, loss of happiness. Hearing about or seeing people lose what they once had or were working towards really just makes your heart ache. And this is what we have experienced with this guy. A nice big heartache. Just last night in a last ditch effort we wrote him a lettter sharing with him that we cared about him, we know he is never ever ever "too far gone" that with Christ there is no such thing. And then we dropped it off at his house with a treat. Now mind you before this we have called, we have left messages, texted, messaged him on facebook, left notes, and dropped by. All to no avail. He is lost. It is so heartbreaking.

 But guess what? There is a lesson to be learned... ALWAYS! After we got back home from dropping off the letter Sister See and I had a long conversation about him. I mentioned to her that I could relate to the Lord of the vineyard in Jacob 5 when he says "What could I have done more for my vineyard?" What more could we have done for this guy that was avoiding us? I loved what her response was. She said: "How Christ like is that? That we have tried to do everything possible to help him, and we know that there is nothing more we can do. We won't have regrets. We still love and care about him but at the end of the day we know we have done everything possible to reach out. Just the way Christ would." That is SO true!!! No regrets!!!! I want to feel that way with every person I talk to. The next 6 months I am committing to living with no regrets and working hard to labor in the Lord's vineyard out here in Tennessee. 

To commemorate my 12 months I have spent on my mission I compiled a list of 12 lessons I have learned and know to be true and am so GRATEFUL that they have become a part of me and a part of my testimony. It was extremely hard to narrow it down to just 12 things because there are more like 12,000 things I have learned but this is what I came up with.

1. Heavenly Father answers prayer
2. Christ is the constant in a crazy changing world
3. There is no such thing as coincidence
4. Repentance = change
5. Things happen in due time, but His time
6. You really can fall in love with the scriptures
7. Christlike love is seeing people as they can become and desiring to help them get there 
8. Out of every pit grows more peaches
9. Family is forever and I sure love mine
10. If we want to become like Christ we are going to suffer in a miniscule part in some small ways like He suffered
11. True joy really does come from the success and growth of others
12. The Church is true, all of it!!!

It's been a wild ride but such a great experience I always knew and still know I will never ever ever regret!!!! Cheers to another 6 months!!!!

In the words of my grandma: "Let's all be like scarecrows OUTSTANDING IN THE FIELD!"

Keep on laboring in your vineyards, living with no regrets!

Love y'all! HAPPY Thanksgiving how grateful am I for all y'all?!?!?! SOOOO very grateful!

Love,
Hermana Hall